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  • Writer's picturedenmother

Top 10 life sucking lies that trap moms

Updated: May 13, 2021

Being a mom is hard enough as it is, without our internal thoughts attacking us from within too. Below are the top ten lies I’ve identified that keep moms trapped in negative thought patterns - and how to break free.

10. “I don’t have time.”

We make time for what’s important to us. You can find the time for anything you really care about, it just takes more intentionality and organization than before. Say your only quiet time is after the kids go to bed at night. I know you really want that glass of wine and Netflix binge sesh, but give up two or three of those a week and prioritize what you value. You will thank yourself later.

9. “I’m failing as a mom.”

Guilt, in any form, is not acceptable. All you can do is your best and your best is not failing. So, instead focus on all the things you did right today. And remember - your kids will likely remember the quality time they spent with you, not all the back-breaking extras you tried to do. Give yourself some credit.

8. “My body is ruined.”

Your body is different, that’s true. But it is most certainly not ruined. You have the power to look however you want to look, just be intentional about it. You want to be fit? Squeeze in workouts at naptime. You want to lose weight? Get an app like Lose It! and start being intentional about how you eat. But remember, you also have the power to love your body the way it is. So start thinking good thoughts about yourself and love will follow.

7. “I can’t handle this.”

If you can handle pregnancy, labor, delivery and recovery, you can handle whatever motherhood throws at you. Just take a step back. Breathe. Think through your options and move forward. Motherhood is just one challenge at a time - and every challenge you overcome will make you stronger for the next one. You got this.

6. “My kids won’t listen to me.”

Kids can be stubborn, yes. They can be strong willed, of course. But remember you are the parent and you are in control. Taking that control back from your kids is good for them, it makes them feel safe. And it’s good for you, it makes you feel empowered. But they also have the choice to listen, and that’s OK. Don’t take it personally if they don’t listen and don’t let emotions or self doubt cloud your thinking. Very calmly set the boundaries, and if they don’t listen, come up with a consequence together. Remember that you are on their side, but they need to learn that certain choices come with consequences. Let them cry, let them scream, but follow through and be consistent! And don’t forget to make sure they know they are still loved and that although the action was bad, they are not bad.

5. “The fun is over.”

Your previous version of fun may have ended, but fun altogether is not lost. It’ll just take some time and effort to learn your new normal and your new version, or versions, of fun. Some fun may include the whole family and be kid-centric like mini-golf or go-kart racing (when they’re a little older, of course). Others may still include the whole family and be more whole-family focused, like game night or concerts in the park. And then there’s fun with just you and your partner. Whatever this looks like, make sure to put it on the schedule and stick to it. Make it routine. Your mental health, and your relationship, deserve it.

4. “My dreams have to wait.”

See point number one. You have time for what is important to you. Be intentional. Schedule it and stick to it. And make sure to talk about it with your kids - as good as it is for you to pursue something, it’s also good for them to see the pursuit. They will learn work ethic, passion, fulfillment, follow-through and a million other lessons from watching and listening to you, so include them in the process.

3. “My kids are driving me crazy!”

Any version of the thought that your kids are bad, annoying, etc. is a negative thought spiral. They do not have the ability to drive you crazy, no one does. Your emotions are your choice. They might trigger something, sure. If that’s the case, take the time to figure out why it’s triggering - but in the meantime, choose to respond to your kids in love. Choose positive thoughts about them. Think of it as an investment in your future relationship with them.

2. “This sucks.”

This thought could apply to a million things when it comes to parenting… and I know it creeps into my head several times a day. I hate playing, I’d rather be getting stuff done. Outdoor time is the worst, it’s long and boring. Whatever it is, if you think it sucks, it will suck. So try to make it fun, gamify the process. (See my article on gamification to see how I made something I loathed, bathtime, my favorite part of the day.)

And number one life sucking lie that traps moms is…

1. “Life will never be the same again.”

Well, this one is not so much a lie. Actually, it’s 100% true. Life will never be the same again. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Sure, there were things in your pre-mom days you’ll miss, but there are so many new things you have to look forward to now. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of the things you can’t get back and daydream about the possibility of things to come. Daydreaming is one of the best ways to activate your Reticular Activating System (RAS) to start allowing good things to flow into your life, and it will give you joy in the process!

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