Everything that made potty training easier the 3rd time around

Contrary to popular belief, potty training does not have to be a nightmare. In fact, It can be quite enjoyable. After all, it is the first skill you get to teach your child! And, if you unplug completely for the first few days (which Is HIGHLY recommended), It can actually feel like a vacation - just you and your toddler. As I am now potty training my third child, I decided to write a comprehensive list of EVERYTHING that made potty training easier (and more fun) for my toddler and me. I hope this list helps you, especially if you are currently in the throes of potty training and need a lifeline.

Note: we used the Oh Crap! Potty Training Method with all our kids, which involves taking the diaper completely off, the first few days.

1. In the beginning, just observe

You never know what you're going to get until you take the diaper off. Some kids like the feeling of their excrement warm against their skin and being bare takes some getting used to. Some are afraid of the actual potty Itself. Others, like my daughter, are afraid of the "release" (letting urine and poop flow). The different reactions to potty training can vary greatly, so don't worry about getting the poop and pee in the potty right away, just watch and see what card you're dealt. If it's fear of the potty, you can try decorating the potty with stickers to make the potty less threatening. If it's fear of release, you can take some time just getting used to letting go, reiterating each time that It's OK to let it go.

In my daughter's case, she would hold it until the absolute breaking point and then when she would inevitably release, she would cry, "Ew! Yucky!" to which I would reply calmly, "Not yucky, just yellow!" and clean up the mess with a smile on my face. Over time (two full days), she learned it was OK to let go and we could work on getting the pee in the potty and not on the floor. Keep in mind, the potty training card you are dealt will likely vary with each child so don't expect the same potty process every time.

2. Words and reactions matter

If we made a big deal when my daughter had an accident, or said, "Ew! You went on the floor!" she would have felt intense shame and guilt, which would have hindered her progress. In fact, the first day we started I did say (in a cheery tone, mind you), "Uh oh! You went potty on the floor!" This was before I knew what I was dealing with and I think this is what made her want to hold the release. At my husband's suggestion, we changed the language to "Yellow." So every time she would get upset, we would say, "Just yellow!" and clean It up. She would internalize this message and repeat, "Just yellow." Also, not knowing the difference between pain and discomfort, she would often say, "Ow!" when the feeling of needing to pee would come on or during a release. I would calmly say, "Not 'Ow,' just different." And she would repeat, "just different." I would agree, "Yup. It feels different."

3. Create more opportunities to practice

I order to practice release, or peeing on the potty or whatever you're working on, your kid actually has to pee. Now, my daughter drinks water just fine, but that was not enough of an incentive to get her to drink more. I diluted some Gatorade with water and put it in her brother's fun Snow Globe water bottle, with a fun straw and called it "Red Juice" (or "Blue Juice" when the red Gatorade ran out). As a family that doesn't drink juice or soda or any drinks other than milk or water really, this was a real treat. This little hack kept her drinking (and peeing), pretty consistently throughout the first four days, giving us lots of opportunities to practice.

4. Realize It's a process

A lot of books and experts tout that you can "potty train your child in four days or less!" While I have found (with all three of my kids) that they can indeed get the concept of potty training in a few days, typically it takes lots of practice in lots of different settings to truly the master the skill. So, don't be frustrated if they revert to old ways, ask for a diaper or have an accident in public. It's a pretty major new skill, so we have to have grace with them while they learn.

5. Break It down Into phases

   
   

   For me, it helps to break potty training down into phases. Phase One is losing the diaper, allowing "accidents" and learning the concept of using the potty. Phase Two is doing this while commando (this means no undies) but wearing pants or shorts. In this phase we simply work on pulling off the shorts in time to get to the potty and learning to pull them back on by themselves. Once they can do this with little to no help, I move on to Phase Three. Phase Three Is underpants. Now we are working on pulling off multiple layers in time to make It on the potty and pulling up multiple layers after, with little to no help.

   
   

   Phase Four, in my book, is nap training. This means we take off the diaper at nap time and work to have a dry nap, without releasing in bed. To do this, I limit liquid about an hour to one and a half hours before nap and make sure they empty their bladder 30 minutes before, and then again immediately before, a nap. There might be a few accidents In bed, but eventually they should learn to hold It for long stretches.

   
   

   Finally, Phase Five is no diaper at bedtime. For this to be successful, I limit liquid two to two and a half hours before bedtime, again helping them to empty their bladder at least 30 minutes before bed and again right before bed. Then, I will wake up one to two times at night (every three to four hours) to take them to the potty. Remember, at this point they may only be able to hold their pee one to two hours, so quietly coming in and helping them relieve themselves overnight will prevent accidents until they can train their bladders to go longer stretches without needing to pee. Don't turn on the lights or announce yourself, just quietly lift them out of bed, pull down PJ's, put them on the potty and then return them to bed.

Final notes:

Remember potty training is a process. Be calm. Like major predators, toddlers can sense your fear. Keep extra clothes in the diaper bag and bring a travel potty wherever you go. (I like this kind of travel potty.) In the beginning, be ready to jump when they tell you they need to go. In some cases you'll only have a few seconds before they release. Over time, it will get easier. You got this.